It sounds like some of the humans back home are wondering how I’m doing with the transition to the sailing life, so I’ve decided to take a few minutes out of my busy schedule and give you a quick rundown of a typical few days aboard Selkie with my crew Mark and Katie.

Sunday:

8:00 am-Wake up and say my prayers, mostly wishing Katie and Mark never get real jobs again, that duck season opens soon, and that Cholla cactus has gone extinct

9:00 am-Eat a big bowl of delicious dog food slathered in bacon grease.

10:00 am-Row to shore and run amok for about a half hour and try to dig up crabs out of the sand…Mark and Katie don’t like that, but screw ‘em, it’s really fun.

11:00 am-We set sail, and I’m stuck on that tiny boat for 4-8 hours. They keep telling me to “Do my thing” on this little piece of astroturf, but I’m housebroken dammit, so I usually just hold it. Sometimes they’ll piss on it though, which is repulsive. And embarrassing. They would kill me if they knew I was writing this.

12:00 pm- I’ll just hang my head out of the cockpit and watch the sea go by as we sail. I like to watch all the Brown Pelicans and Heerman’s Gulls too. Or I’ll just sleep.

5:00 pm-We drop anchor at a sweet new beach and we row in to shore again, I run amok, generally don’t listen to anything the humans say, and act a fool cause I’m faster than them, and I’ve been on a boat all day.

6:00 pm- We all sit on the beach together and watch the sunset as a family.

7:00 pm- I get to sit at the dinner table (they call it a “cockpit” now) and watch them eat delicious food, while I eat dog food. Sometimes I get rice and fish skin, though, and I always get to lick the plates. They keep calling me pre-rinse for some reason???

8:00 pm-From here on it’s what I call snuggle time. Some call it spooning, some call it cuddling, whatever. It’s where I get to be right up in the mix, dog to human contact for the next 10 hours. And for those of you who have met me, you’ll know that this is where I shine.

Monday:

8:00 am-As we row in, they let me jump off the bow and swim for up to a quarter mile sometimes. We race each other, and sometimes I’ll let them win, but not usually.

8:20 am-We go on a five hour hike through the desert. Sometimes I get to run buck wild like the free spirit that I am, and sometimes they put me on a leash, like when there’s lots of cholla cactus or delicious endemic iguanas around.

5:00 pm-We row around the bay and the humans fish from Bojangles, the tender. I go freakin’ insane when they catch one, and I jump from side to side so I can see how close we can get to tipping. It’s freakin awesome! I don’t care how much they yell at me, I’m never going to stay calm when a fish gets caught. Ever.

 

Tuesday:

8:00 am-Another hike in the desert, this time on the hunt for lizards. I try to run at least 100 miles every day to stay in shape. Hello, it’s swimsuit season, people!

3:00 pm-The hike over, we return to the beach and I comb the tide lines for cool stuff like dead sea lions, dead pelicans, dead fish, it’s a veritable treasure trove of perfumery!

5:00 pm-This time, Mark fishes from the rocks with his fly rod, and I’m usually pretty well behaved here. He’s taught me sit on his left side and watch patiently, but sometimes, when I get bored, I’ll tie a few dozen bowline knots around my legs with his fly line so if he catches a fish it won’t be able to get away.

1:00 am-Sea lions and dolphins usually circle around the boat and make a big ruckus with their breathing, so I’ll jump out of bed and run circles around the boat, so Mark and Katie know to wake up and check it out too.

That’s pretty much it, a day of sailing, which is kind of boring, followed by the 2-5 absolute best days of my life. Then we sail again. Then I run amok again. It’s way better than the old days, in fact, every dog should be so lucky.

**Email followers will have to check out the post to see more photos of Wylie’s adventures on the high seas.**